"Yes, officer, I was." I replied.
Well, Ma'am, we had a report of a barking dog on Greenough Street. Any chance it was your dog, Ma'am.?"
I looked down at my silly black lab, Jetta, who was had retrieved a baguette from under a park bench and way carrying it in her mouth. "Well, she's been known to bark, but tonight she discovered a loaf of bread on the ground, and now she's carrying her kill back home. Nothing could make her drop that bread, so I think we can scratch her off the list of suspects.""Thanks, Ma'am. I don't have a problem with the barking, but we did have a complaint, so I just needed to look into it, Ma'am. You and your dog have a good night, Ma'am."
Were you counting? I was. Six Ma'ams in a one minute conversation. I don’t mind being my age, I like the wisdom and the comfort that comes with it. But for some reason , term Ma’am is just intolerable to me.
I think it's because I just don't see myself as a Ma'am, as old enough to qualify for Ma'am status. I am in my late forties, yet I think of people in their 30's as being “my age’. I don’t think it’s just me that sees themselves this way.
I think in we all tend to see ourselves as being younger than we really are.
Research backs this up. The Pew Research Center did research that found no matter what their chronological age, most people say that they aren't yet "old" — and that they feel younger than the number of birthdays they've had. In the study, the average age considered "old" by respondents was 68 — but there were real differences in perception depending on the age of the person you ask. People under 30 said the average person becomes old before 60, but by the time people turn 65, they say that old is not old until you are 75.
I am with the people of the research. No matter what the calendar says, I feel much younger than I actually am, and I happily live under that illusion. Happily, until someone calls me Ma'am.
Which brings up back to the issue of Ma’am. If not Ma’am, then what? Is there a better greeting than Ma’am?
Miss? I remember a visit to Trader Joe’s when the young handsome cashier called me Miss. I talked about it for days, but really, the Miss felt as wrong a the Ma’am - I’ve accomplished too much in my life to be a Miss.
Lady? Another time, a lovely man at Church was thanking me for facilitating a small group. He said how much he enjoyed it and continued, “You are a really nice Lady.” This man appears to be older than me, yet he called me a lady. “Lady” felt sort of like an elegant version of “Ma’am.” There is loveliness to it, but still feels better suited to someone like, um, my Mother.
Finally, I was presented with the greeting that works for me. I walked past a man who gave me the impression that maybe he didn’t spend all his time in this world. That may be the reason why he was so enthusiastic and friendly. His greeting: “Looking good, my Sister!”
Sister, I am going with that one. It feels ageless, and right.
Hello Marian:
ReplyDeleteWhat a difference the Atlantic Ocean makes. In Britain Ma'am [pronounced to rhyme with jam] is almost exclusively reserved to address HM The Queen. Where absolute politeness is required, such as in hotels or in formal situations, then Madam [or Sir] is the order of the day. Mostly, though, nowadays one is either called nothing or immediately by one's first name if that can be ascertained. Sister tends to be reserved for the inhabitants of a convent!
Whatever, we have much enjoyed this post. Have a very weekend, Sister!
P.S. Make that 'a very happy weekend'!
ReplyDeleteI too like sister! My cancer survivor friends call me sister and they are ages 24-64 so far, and l like the sound of it. I also tend to call my friends "girls," which sounds youngish, but in some ways its just right too. But Miss or Ma'am I haven't heard in ages and would probably turn my head looking for someone else if I heard it :)
ReplyDeleteThis post brought a smile to my face. My dad never believed he was old even in his 80s. When suggested he join the seniors group in our area, he responded with, "That's for old people." He looked much younger and behaved like a younger man. He claimed having children later in life kept him young. He was 70 when my youngest brother graduated from high school. I feel much younger than I am and hope to have my father's attitude as I move through the ages of my life.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, Marion...I dislike being called ma'am, but sister doesn't seem right either. Perhaps I should wear a name tag that says just call me Teresa.
I think it was the "looking good" that you responded favorably too...not just sister..ha ha
ReplyDeleteYes try being 60 for a day...I'm happy to not be ignored by some of these younger citizens
Really, it doesn't bother me either way
I think it reflects what I project
miss...looking good
ma'am...leave the gym shoes at home next time
sister....a kindred soul looking at me
enjoyed your post today..gave me a chuckle
The English language doesn't seem to have a word that serves as a polite and flattering salutation to a woman. I guess some young-ish men balk when first addressed as "sir," so maybe it's not just women. I'm old enough that it doesn't bother me any more.
ReplyDeleteYes,I agree. I think we are only as old as we feel. I am 61 this year and still can do what most younger people can do. Heck, I even squatted close to the ground the other day with my granddaughter and walked like a duck! Nothing a Ma'am would do, I'm sure. I like Sister (Sistah) too! Rock on (and not in a rocker!)
ReplyDeleteIt is like these greetings are a bit dated and there is nothing now appropriate.
ReplyDeleteOur indigenous woman call each other sister and it is a sign of a connection with you if they call you one too.
I really enjoyed this. We don't really use Ma'am here. Sister isn't common, although I like it. I giggle whenever someone refers to me as such and such's wife or Mrs ...
ReplyDeleteMarion,
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I too, this week, very politely corrected a younger woman at Walmart who had referred to me several times as "Ma'am."
I'm not sure what we should be called since, you are correct, Miss isn't right either. It might be fun to come up with a new title, for those of us at this point in our lives.
Just this week I lost a dear aunt who would have been 108 years old on Monday. She lived on her farm raising 50 head of cattle until she was 98. The only reason she stopped then was because a stroke forced her to.
My father will be 83 years old this summer. He retired many years ago and has spent his retirement years working his horses and "helping the old people in town."
I fully intend to be just like these folks so I am way too young to be a Ma'am. I'm just not sure what I am instead.
Thanks, as always!
Yep, I agree. Sister is perfect.
ReplyDeleteSister is good. When I was in Kenya, pre-baby days, the locals called me "Mama" and I quite liked it.
ReplyDeleteI do like Sister, but mostly I get called Ma'am. Afterall I am the average age of "old". When I don't feel good I do feel "old", but when I feel good and I look at my reflection in a window I wonder who that "old" person is. I think our spirits always feel younger than our true age.
ReplyDeletei prefer 'sister' too!
ReplyDeletebut a funny, i heard a shop clerk call my sister ma'am yesterday and started cracking up,
until he got over to me and called me the same thing!
I'm with you on not liking Ma'am but 'sister' does not do it for me either. My husband often uses 'brother' to other men and it seems a little offensive. You're not related...don't know it seems weird to me. Having said that I have no good alternative. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteAs for perception I wonder if that differs based on your own age? I tend to feel like I am still in my 30s but am almost 20 years past that. For me, it's probably a maturity thing!