My Daughter, Myself

On Tuesday, my Daughter E had to take the latest in a series of standardized tests. It was the long composition test. I hate standardized tests. E hates long composition. Yet I tried with all my might to encourage, love and support her. And she tried with all her might to do her absolute best on the test.


The latest struggle in on the path of growing up made me think of this post I did a couple of years ago. Since then, I E has exhibited qualities that differ from me somewhat, yet I still see so much of me in her. And her in me.


When my daughter was born I remember holding her tiny, tiny hand in mine and just loving that moment. Then feeling a bit of shock at just how much her hand resembled a little baby version of my own.


Time went on and she grew to look more and more like me. When she was four we walked down the street and an elderly man stared at us like freaks and said “Jesus! I’ve never seen anything like it! You look EXACTLY alike!” 


It’s funny having a child that looks so much like you. When I look at her face, I see nothing but beauty. I guess it's looking at her face in that way that has helped me make peace with the things that I haven't always loved on my own face. The freckles. The upturned nose.


As E has gotten older and her personality has emerged I find that in addition to looking like me, we also share many of the same personality traits. A lot of the same traits. The way we learn. The way we interact with people. Our humor. The way we can’t spell. Sitting in her parent teacher conference at school was like a flashback to my own second grade experience. It scared me.


This discovery made me want to sit her down and say, “Look, I’ve been there before and here’s what we are going to do to fix it.” Show her the way and give her the help she needs so that the she doesn’t have to struggle the same way I did.


But as I watch her, I realize how perfectly capable she is of figuring this all out for herself. On separate occasions, two people that I love have called her an Old Soul, and I think they see her perfectly. She has a wisdom about her. There are times when challenges throw her into a spin, but her overall outlook remains clear.


So while some of her struggles may be the same as mine, her way of dealing with them will be her own. And while I will be here to help her, she will be the one to try. There will be times when she will be successful, times when she will fail. And the lessons learned from all of that will be hers.


And while she is learning, I have the feeling that, just like I learned to love my freckles, I will also be learning. Learning all the lessons my wise Old Soul has to teach me.