Curiosity

In my last post, I wrote about raising kids in a culture of accomplishment. The post talked about parents who where putting pressure on their kids to be absolutely perfect at absolutely everything.

I’ve heard from so many people for whom that post resonated, and I was really touched by their feedback. Among these comments, my favorite came from a woman I’ve not heard from before. She said:

When I was a kid I was validated only for excellence. I grew into an adult who never wanted to learn anything new because she wasn't good at it. Now I'm 62 and I'm starting to do things I'm not good at. Feels weird but also good.

I loved that comment. Love that she is starting to take risks, but also love the idea of what can happen when we let go of needing to do things right and just do them for the experience. I think it’s about being curious, about living your life as a journey of discovery rather than a journey to being the best.

Most of us start out curious - wondering, looking, and learning by experience. But over time, in school, at home, it somehow becomes more important to be correct than it does to explore the answers.

That’s what happened to me. I am naturally a curious person, and have always been. But as a teenager, I started to feel that it was more important to get things right than it was to just explore the questions or the opportunity.

This carried into my twenties, where as an almost grown-up I continued to feel the need to be the expert on everything. I never felt okay admitting that I didn’t know something. If I tried something new, I’d want to be pretty sure that I was going to be good at it, which didn’t exactly open up my horizons.

Slowly though, as I moved into my thirties, I started to let go of needing to be right and came back to my original – and authentic – roots and let myself be curious. Now, well into my forties, I can finally freely admit when I don’t know something. I don’t need to be good at the things I try, I just want to try.

It’s a risk to open yourself up like that; it can make you feel inadequate and insecure. A bit scared. But the tradeoff to that fear is that when we let go of being perfect and open ourselves up to the experience, life becomes richer, more vibrant. It’s like that scene in The Wizard of Oz when it goes from black and white to color - being open to imperfection let’s you see the world with a sense of wonder that you hadn’t had before.

To me that’s a risk worth taking.

Photo by Saul Blumenthal